A Lonely Valentine’s Day

Another lonely Valentine’s Day — just me, Léa and Chéri (my sweet pusses), a bottle of wine, and some good vibrations.

It’s been three years since I retired (Dec. 2019). I approached retirement with vague ideas of travel and freedom. Instead, like many of us, I found myself lonely and isolated in the midst of a global pandemic. But, I made it through those dark times with reading, streaming, gardening, baking, hiking, and copious amounts of self-love! It’s a wonder I didn’t go blind!

Too Long Alone

I haven’t had a real, romantic Valentine’s since just before the bastard and I married. We shared a wonderful, passionate weekend at a hot springs resort. He was a charmer then, and I was young and naive. It didn’t take long after the wedding and the birth of our daughter for me to discover what a lying, cheating, narcissistic bastard he really was.

Since then there have been the odd child’s valentine party, girls night, and a best forgotten one-night fling with a coworker just as married and lonely as me. But no flowers, no holding hands, no dreamy eye contact over a fancy dinner — and definitely no intimate getaways.

Once my nest was empty and I sued for divorced, I threw myself into my job and volunteer work. My days were full and active with little time to get lonely. After years of marriage “for the sake of the children” I didn’t want anything resembling a relationship. Valentine’s Days passed one after another, mostly unnoticed — until last year.

The pandemic rekindled dormant passions in me. Too many hours streaming steamy TV and movies and reading erotic romances kindled my imagination. Thoughts of what I had missed led to curiosity and exploration of my own sexuality. I saw and read about things I had never experienced. I began to ache with a longing to try them. Now, I worried I had missed my chance.

Changes and Awakenings

Finally, last year two things changed my life: my first visit to an adult store, and the purchase of my first vibrator. First hand exposure to all the realms of human sexuality and my new toy opened my eyes to possibilities. I began learning and experiencing what it means to be multi-orgasmic. For the first time in my life, I truly became attuned to my body, passions, kinks and desires.

Additionally, I also met Robyn, who became my friend and cheerleader and mentor in my sexual self-discovery. Robyn is a lovely young woman who works at the adult store I began to frequent. From my very first visit, Robyn’s warm and enthusiastic personality helped me get over my hangups and embarrassment. I never felt self-conscious about my age or lack of experience when talking with Robyn. She offered advice, helped me pick out my first toy, and suggested next steps.

Robyn is the best, always encouraging me with a “You go girl!” or and “Alright mamma!”

What a girl wants, what a girl needs

On a visit to the adult store yesterday, Robyn and I were discussing a steamy love scene from a TV show that we both admitted to rewinding and rewatching with a toy in hand. Robyn confessed reenacting the particulars of the scene with her husband soon after. I confided that I had had several dreams about that scene and wished I could experience something similar with a hard warm body instead of my silicone friend.

“Why not, Miri?” Robyn asked. “You deserve a strong man between your legs.”

I demurred that I wasn’t seeing anyone and wasn’t interested in a relationship.

Robyn responded laughing, “Who said anything about a relationship, mamma? What you need is a hot hookup, a fuck buddy. You know — a friend with benefits.”

“At my age?” I asked, shocked.

“Why not?” Robyn shot back, her eyes dancing with mischief. “You’re gorgeous!”

She continued, complimenting my blue eyes, and what she referred to as my “bangin’ bod” with “curves made for lovin’”. That made me blush.

“You’re a real GILF, Miri.” she said looking me up and down. ”In fact,” she added, “You should get yourself a hard young cub to service you.”

That really made me flush. I insisted that I wouldn’t know how to go about having a hookup or meeting someone to hookup with.

Robyn told me I was being difficult and wrote down several “adult dating” websites and apps for me to check out. Pressing the list into my hand, Robyn warned she would expect a progress report on my next visit to the store.

Wishes and Resolve

So, here I sit on Valentine’s wishing there was something more than vibrating silicone waiting in my bedroom. It’s getting late, the wine is taking effect. In fact, I’m too sleepy and I’m not sure even my silicone friend will be getting lucky tonight! But, I will check out Robyn’s suggestions starting tomorrow. I owe it to myself. For now, Léa, Chéri and I are going to bed!